Career grief: How to let go of the career you planned

Moving on from a career you've spent years building is often easier said than done. Even when you know it's time for a change, letting go can be difficult.

For many people, work is much more than a job. It provides purpose, fulfilment and responsibility, while reflecting our values, status and interests. Given that we spend nearly a third of our lives working, it's no surprise that our careers become closely tied to our identity and self-worth.

When that role ends, whether by choice or through redundancy, it can trigger a difficult mix of emotions. Frustration, anger, anxiety and a profound sense of loss are all common, as is low self-esteem and confidence. Yet these feelings are often compounded by the message that a job is ‘just a job’, leaving many people feeling ashamed of the impact its loss has had on them.

"There is nothing wrong with you. What you are feeling is grief, and it deserves to be treated as such," says Camilla Young, founder and career coach at Rebel Spark.

From a young age, people ask what we want to be when we grow up. “Not who, but what,” says Young. “We learn early that our work is meant to say something about us, and a job title becomes shorthand for status, ability and where we are heading next.”

How to overcome career grief

Accept what you’re feeling

It takes time to come to terms with any kind of chance, including a change to your job or career. “This means giving the loss its due, then turning to face what is in front of you,” says Young. “Call it what it is. You are grieving, not failing. Saying that out loud, to yourself or to someone you trust, takes a surprising amount of weight off.”

(Christina Morello / Pexels)

Bring structure to your day

Before you start reworking your CV, take some time for yourself. Go for walks, get coffee, meet friends and enjoy yourself – it makes job hunting a lot easier.

Think about what you actually miss

“Be specific,” says Young. “Is it the people, the problem solving, the recognition, the being trusted? These are the threads worth carrying into whatever comes next, and they are rarely the job title itself.”

Thinking clearly about what you enjoyed about your job can help you make the next move.

Consider what you really want

It’s also helpful to check the old plan against who you are now. “Ask honestly whether you still want the future you were heading towards, based on your life today rather than the version of you who imagined it. Some of it will still fit. Letting go of the rest is a relief rather than a loss,” says Young.

Think about what genuinely interests you and whether there's an opportunity to pursue it. “Talk to people doing work that interests you and ask how they got there. Say yes to the coffee, the course or the freelance project,” she adds.

Remember you still have the same skills and experience

Nothing you have worked for has been taken from you. “The skills, the judgement, the years of knowing how things work, all of that is still yours, and everything you learn from here only adds to it,” says Young. “A career that turns rather than climbs is not a lesser one. It is broader, and in a working world changing fast, that is worth having.”