Why ‘good girl’ conditioning holds women back at work

Oct 21, 2026

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Lydia Smith

From as young as seven, girls are taught to people-please and obey – and those expectations follow them into the workplace.

Do you ever take on extra work, hoping it will eventually lead to something bigger? Or say ‘yes’ to more responsibilities for the sake of ‘exposure’, without asking whether you’ll be financially compensated for your time and effort?

If so, you’re not alone. Many of us have spent years learning that being valued means being helpful, agreeable, capable and most importantly, undemanding. It’s why we’re often more comfortable quietly working overtime and shouldering unrealistic amounts of work, rather than asking what’s in it for us.

“I call this ‘good girl conditioning’ – the socially reinforced expectation that a ‘good’ woman considers other people, works hard, avoids causing problems and doesn’t ask for too much,” says Anna Campbell, founder of the Good Girl Rebellion, creator of the Invisible Rules framework, speaker and international bestselling author. “The workplace doesn’t create this conditioning but it can certainly perpetuate it.”

Social conditioning starts long before we start work. In 2025, researchers at the University of Toronto found that girls aged seven to ten were more likely to ‘people please’ than boys, and follow flawed instructions from an authority figure rather than explore alternative solutions. As early as primary school, girls already feel pressured into obedience.

“As children, girls learn from the responses they get and the behaviour they see around them,” explains Campbell. “Being helpful, conscientious and easy to deal with gets approval. Over time, these aren’t just behaviours we choose; they can become part of our understanding of what makes us likeable, acceptable and valued.”

Of course, being caring or getting along with others isn’t inherently a bad thing. Problems arise when girls and women stop feeling like they have a choice – and devalue their own ideas to uphold those of others.

So what does ‘good girl’ conditioning look like at work, and what can employers do to make sure women aren’t constrained by societal expectations?

“This conditioning can make women look like ideal employees,” says Campbell. “We become dependable, capable and easy to rely on, often without making a fuss about what that effort costs us. The problem is that the very behaviours that make us valuable to an organisation can also make it easier for our contribution to be taken for granted rather than translated into recognition, opportunity or progression.”

Not all tasks have the same impact on career progression. High-visibility responsibilities with measurable results, like bringing in new clients or selling products, are often directly tied to revenue, business growth and strategic goals, making it easier to demonstrate your value and build a case for promotion or higher pay.

But there's another category of work that often goes unnoticed. These are the less visible tasks that keep teams and organisations running smoothly. While they're important and need to be done, they rarely come with the same recognition, rewards or opportunities for career advancement.

There is a considerable amount of pressure placed on women to be ‘team-players’ by taking on thankless tasks. Research published in the American Economic Review in 2017 by Dr Linda Babcock and colleagues carried out several experiments to show how volunteering for office tasks impacts gender equality at work.

In groups of different genders, they found that women were more likely to be asked to do ‘low promotability’ tasks like writing reports, serving on committees, or organising office parties. They were also more likely to volunteer to do these tasks. Although these jobs still benefit companies, the researchers found these jobs are not valued as highly as ‘high promotability’, revenue-generating activities.

“Look at who gets the work that leads somewhere. Who gets the visible projects, introductions, support and chances to lead?”

“This is the paradox,” says Campbell. “The qualities that make someone indispensable to a team don’t necessarily help them progress within it. Being the person everyone can rely on is not the same as being the person who is thought of for promotion.”

The problem is that employers aren’t always consciously expecting women to be more agreeable or accommodating. These gendered expectations are so deeply ingrained and normalised that they can be difficult to recognise, and even harder to unlearn.

Still, there are several things employers can do to make sure women aren’t held back by societal conditioning.

Intentionally share the load

“First, share out the work that keeps things running but rarely leads to progression: things like taking notes, organising, mentoring, supporting colleagues and covering gaps. Make sure it doesn’t keep falling to the same people,” says Campbell.

Think twice before asking the ‘reliable’ woman to take on the note-taking or organise the work party. An easy way to do this is to rotate tasks between employees, with each person taking a different day or week.

“Look at who gets the work that leads somewhere,” she adds. “Who gets the visible projects, introductions, support and chances to lead?”

Don’t penalise women for swerving gender norms

Does a straight-talking woman with clear ideas make you feel uncomfortable? Does she seem less likeable because she is assertive? That might be a ‘you’ problem.

Women are judged more harshly when they defy cultural and social norms and behaviours. When women display typically ‘masculine’ traits like assertiveness, ambition or directness, they often experience a social or professional backlash known as the likability penalty or role congruity bias.

“If any of this feels familiar, the starting point is awareness,” says Campbell. “Notice the moments when the old pattern kicks in, then create enough of a pause to ask: is this what I want to do, or is this just what I’ve learned to do? That pause is where a conscious choice becomes possible.”

It’s also important to pay attention to what happens when women set boundaries. If a woman declines a request to do a task because they’re too busy, are they treated differently than their male peers?

Think about what you're rewarding people with

If someone keeps performing well and their reward is more work, this isn’t a reward. It’s unlikely that they feel valued or see progression as an actual possibility.

“Breaking good girl conditioning at work isn’t about teaching women to become less caring, helpful or collaborative,” says Campbell. “It is about creating workplaces where those qualities are choices rather than expectations, and where women aren’t rewarded for making themselves endlessly useful while asking for very little in return.”