How to communicate with confidence when you don’t feel confident

Standing up in front of a room full of people and sharing your opinion is easier said than done. While some make it look effortless, even the most confident speakers may well be battling sweaty palms and a racing pulse.

The ‘confidence gap’ is an issue affecting women across all industries. As the name suggests, the problem isn’t a lack of experience, skill or talent, but a pervasive absence of belief in one's own abilities. According to a survey of  5,004 UK adults, 32% of women see a lack of confidence as a major career hurdle, compared to 25% of men. Research suggests women are more likely to hesitate when it comes to speaking up and promoting their achievements and are less likely to apply for jobs unless they meet every qualification, which has a significant impact on both pay and career advancement.

Of course, becoming more assertive and believing in yourself isn’t going to magically fix the gender pay gap and other inequalities at work. This kind of thinking can help let institutions, organisations and wider structures that deepen social and economic inequality off the hook. But, learning how to communicate with confidence can go some way to making your voice, and ideas, heard.

So if it doesn’t come naturally to you, what can you do?

“Women often carry a very high level of imposter syndrome and ironically, it's frequently the most knowledgeable, capable women who feel it most acutely,” says Georgie Partridge, an executive and performance coach at Performing Perfectly.

“The women who have the most to contribute are often the ones least likely to believe that. This then shows up in their behaviour and in turn, may be perceived by colleagues as under confident.”

There are many reasons why women may feel less confident at work. From being socialised to be more agreeable and less outspoken, to working in patriarchal environments where their ideas or expertise may be questioned or overlooked, women can receive subtle messages that they should hold back rather than take up space. 

Unequal access to mentors, sponsors and professional networks can reinforce this, while the pressure to prove yourself, especially in male-dominated industries or senior roles, can make speaking up feel like a risk.

“It could come down to just one moment of feeling dismissed, talked over, or simply not heard,” says Partridge. “What started as a single uncomfortable moment becomes a story we tell ourselves about who we are and what we're capable of.”

This negative self-talk can get louder during moments of transition and uncertainty. For example, when returning from maternity leave. “The good news is that it's not fixed,” says Partridge. “It's learned behaviour, which means it can be unlearned.”

(Christina Morillo/Pexels)

How to communicate with confidence

Prepare but don’t read from a script.

Whether you’re speaking at an event or in a team meeting, it’s useful to prepare your key points in advance, while avoiding the temptation to read directly from a script.

“When we over-rehearse word for word, we panic the moment we deviate from it,” says Partridge. “Instead, know your key points and trust yourself to find the words in the moment. Practice the feeling of standing up and getting your point across.”

Try subtle breathing exercises

If you feel the panic setting in, take a deep breath before you speak. “A slow breath before you open your mouth slows your heart rate and changes the quality of your voice,” says Partridge.

Think about your body language

You don’t need to feel confident to look confident – practising small changes can help. Lower your shoulders, straighten up and look up, even if you can’t make direct eye contact.

Remember that people are less focused on you than you think

“Most people are not analysing you as critically as you think, they're thinking about their own contribution, their own anxiety, their own to-do list,” says Partridge. “Like you, most people also want to be supportive. Give yourself permission to be there and know that others want you in the room too.”

How can employers help people address this lack of confidence

When people feel safe to speak up, take risks and share ideas without fear of judgement, everyone benefits. But for women, who face greater scrutiny and are often penalised for being ‘too assertive’, that sense of safety can make an even bigger difference.

“Psychological safety starts at the top, with how leaders respond when someone does speak up, especially if what they say is challenging, imperfect or personal to them,” says Partridge.

“Don't just invest in communication training as a tick-box exercise. Generic presentation skills courses rarely shift deep-rooted confidence issues. The most effective development is personal, contextual and gives people space to practise in a safe environment.”

Employers also need to take note of who isn’t speaking up, rather than the loudest people in the room. The best leaders actively create space for the quieter ones, whether that's asking directly, or creating smaller group conversations where people feel less exposed.

Finally, Partridge adds, organisations need to support women when they're going through challenging periods. “A woman returning from maternity leave, navigating a role change, or going through something significant personally is at her most vulnerable professionally,” she says, “That is exactly the moment to show up for her. Not with a form to fill in, but with genuine, tailored support.”