Why are women penalised for success?

There’s a long-standing idea that women are less ambitious than men. It’s a convenient way to explain away the pay gap, the dearth of women in leadership and other workplace gender inequalities - we simply don’t want these things as much as men.

It’s easy to see where this narrative has come from. Research shows women are now less interested in being promoted than men, with 80% of women wanting to be promoted to the next level, compared to 86% of men, and the gap widening significantly at entry and senior levels.

However, the problem with this so-called ‘ambition gap’ is that it obscures a big problem. Many women are just as ambitious as men when they begin their careers, but become so tired of the multiple structural and systemic barriers they face that this ambition often wanes. 

And while men are rewarded for their ambitions, women are far more likely to be penalised for acting on theirs. Almost 90% of women say they are punished and undermined because of their achievements at work - a phenomenon called the ‘tall poppy syndrome’.

Punished for taking up space

“Tall poppy syndrome can show up when a woman starts becoming more visible, influential, or successful and people around her become uncomfortable with the space she is taking up,” says Latasha Baynham, founder of Shine Your Light coaching & consultancy.

“When people have spent years unconsciously associating leadership or authority with certain behaviours or certain types of leaders, someone who does not fit that expectation can create discomfort, even if no one realises it consciously.”

The key problem is that in 2026, we still associate leaders with men and traditionally ‘masculine’ traits, according to stubborn gender stereotypes. Despite decades of research providing us with an enormous amount of evidence about what good and bad leadership looks like, we’re still stuck with the archetypes of leadership in our minds. So, we default to evaluating leadership potential using traits like assertiveness and dominance. But when women exhibit these traits, the incongruence means they’re perceived and evaluated negatively. 

“Many women are still navigating conflicting expectations around what success and leadership are supposed to look like,” says Baynham. “They’re often managing more than performance. They are managing perception. And constantly managing perception can become exhausting.”

The Double Bind Dilemma

Research around the ‘Double Bind Dilemma’ suggests that if women in the workplace are warm and compassionate, they are considered too soft. But when they are assertive, they're seen as too aggressive. “A man who is direct may be seen as decisive,” says Baynham. “A woman displaying the same behaviour can sometimes be perceived as intimidating, difficult, too ambitious, or too much. That creates a difficult balancing act.

Baynham says she works with many capable women who are successful on paper, yet tell her they pay a high price for their achievements. “They soften what they say, over-explain, question whether they are ‘coming across the wrong way’, or hold back ideas altogether,” she explains.

(Christina Morillo/Pexels)

For many, having to ‘edit’ themselves takes a heavy psychological toll, leading to exhaustion, reduced confidence and burnout. “Women can start shrinking themselves in rooms they have already earned the right to be in,” Baynham adds.

Being penalised for success can have significant repercussions for women’s careers and finances. They may stop putting themselves forward for promotions, hesitate to negotiate salary increases, avoid higher visibility opportunities, or leave organisations altogether. They’re not any less ambitious, they’re just tired of carrying the emotional cost attached to success.

Speak up, take up space

If this sounds like you, there are several things you can do. The first is to recognise when you’re changing yourself to appease others. That being said, it’s hard to identify and question learned behaviours, especially when we’ve been conditioned to keep quiet and take up less space. 

“Sometimes women become highly skilled at reading rooms, softening messages and anticipating reactions. Those skills can be useful, but they can also become exhausting if they come at the expense of your own voice,” says Baynham.

“A man who is direct may be seen as decisive. A woman displaying the same behaviour can sometimes be perceived as intimidating, difficult, too ambitious, or too much”

Latasha Baynham, career coach & consultant

“But personal work and organisational responsibility have to go hand in hand. If women are encouraged to stand taller, speak up more and be more confident, but then find themselves criticised, excluded or penalised when they do, it creates a vicious cycle.”

Like any problem rooted in gender stereotypes, though, the onus should be on organisations to level the playing field for women. Businesses need to look beyond confidence and examine the systems around it. Managers need training to recognise bias, the language around leadership and performance needs to be challenged, and decisions around promotions and opportunities should be based on measurable outcomes – not overconfidence.

“Culture is created through repeated everyday decisions around who gets visibility, who gets sponsorship, whose ideas are amplified, and who is seen as leadership material. If women are succeeding while feeling they need to become smaller in order to stay successful, the issue is not confidence. It is the culture.”